National Tragedies and God

We can certainly all agree that the events that took place on December 14th in the town of  Newtown, Connecticut are horrific, inexcusable, and represent the most epic proportions of tragedy and sorrow.


Some people are saying we should just spend this day loving our families, being thankful they are still here with us, and lifting our hearts in prayer or empathy to the families who can’t be with the ones they lost in the gruesome school shooting.  We shouldn’t evolve this disaster into a discussion about protocol, just spend the day in bereavement and being grateful if we aren’t among those who are enduring the stinging ache that is surely felt by those who have suffered a loss to their community.  I agree, we should ever be aware of the idea that this life is fleeting, and spend all our moments with our children in reflection that this could all be over in one flit of a butterfly wing.  In only an instant, everything can change.


With that being said, rest assured that there will be a time in the not-so-distant future when the survivors of this horrific day will rise up and demand justice.  The perpetrator took the cowardly way out, so there will be no judge or jury.  The survivors will begin to wonder “what could have been done to prevent this?”  And from there I predict a pursuit of changes in legislation.


What we can’t all agree on is what we can do to try to ensure violent acts of this nature don’t happen in our towns to our children in our schools.  There are several popular theories that I have read about since the onset of this tragedy, which took place only 24 hours ago.


There is the theory that if we allowed God into schools then this wouldn’t have happened.


Joshua 1:9 :  “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”


Instead of turning this tragedy into a reason to try to change laws and public schools into a place where Christianity is forced upon even those who don’t believe in it, read and know your bible.  You don’t have to enforce unison prayer at school in order to have your God present there.  If you believe He is there, then He is there.  Your entire religion is based on the faith that there is an ever-present entity guarding you if you pledge your faith and abidance with your religion.


When you have faith in God you have the belief  that through your faith all things are possible, and that the Lord GOD is always with you.  So please, I ask of you, just as you ask many to consider your faith and belief, for a moment, please also consider the facts.


These definitions were taken directly from


 faith [feyth] noun

1.confidence or trust in a person or thing: faith in another’s ability.

2.belief that is not based on proof: He had faith that the hypothesis would be substantiated by fact.

3.belief in God or in the doctrines or teachings of religion: the firm faith of the Pilgrims.
4.belief in anything, as a code of ethics, standards of merit, etc.: to be of the same faith with someone concerning honesty.
5.a system of religious belief: the Christian faith; the Jewish faith.


be·lief -[bih-leef]-noun

1.something believed; an opinion or conviction: a belief that the earth is flat.

2.confidence in the truth or existence of something not immediately susceptible to rigorous proof: a statement unworthy of belief.
3.confidence; faith; trust: a child’s belief in his parents.
4.a religious tenet or tenets; religious creed or faith: the Christian belief.



1.something that actually exists; reality; truth: Your fears have no basis in fact.
2.something known to exist or to have happened: Space travel is now a fact.
3.a truth known by actual experience or observation; something known to be true: Scientists gather facts about plant growth.
4.something said to be true or supposed to have happened: The facts given by the witness are highly questionable.
5.Law. . Often, facts. an actual or alleged event or circumstance, as distinguished from its legal effect or consequence.  Compare question of fact, question of law.


The Facts

The fact is, not everyone shares the same beliefs.  There are many people and families who are leading good, positive lives and show their children the ability to differentiate between right and wrong, and they do it all without the guidance of an entity.  Another fact is that we live in a nation where we are afforded the right to freedom of religion.  When you insist on enforcing laws where prayer is demanded in schools, you are infringing upon the rights of those who don’t share your beliefs.  Another fact is, you are free to share the teachings of Christ in your home or at your place of worship, and you don’t have to publicly bow your head, drop to your knees, or fold your hands and close your eyes to have a word of prayer.  Another fact, if your child prays at school, he or she will not be expelled.


More facts:
On Friday, December 14th, 2012, 20-year-old Adam Lanza (shown below) allegedly shot his mother in their home with her own gun.  At some point that morning, he adorned himself in black clothing and armed himself with two 9mm handguns and an AR-15-type rifle.  He then went to Sandy Hook Elementary School, entered the building then killed 20 children and 6 adults before committing suicide.
Adam Lanza


My Belief:
This was done with undisturbed intention.  This assassin didn’t care if he walked in during the school announcements.  He didn’t care if he walked in during the Pledge of Allegiance.  He didn’t care if he walked in during the school prayer (if it was allowed).  He made the choice to kill a lot of innocent people.  He took his mother’s guns (which she bought and legally registered) and performed heinous illegal acts with these weapons.  He disobeyed gun control laws and had no regard for human life.  Praying would not have stopped this reign of terror.  If  God was in their hearts, He was there with them that day, and He is with them now and with their families still.


If  you have religious faith and belief, you may struggle with your faith or beliefs in a time like this.  You may ask yourself  “How could God let this happen to these children?”  Then you might say it was because God wasn’t allowed into schools.  To be very blunt, I call bullshit.  If you believe in God then you believe He is wherever you are.  He doesn’t ask to come into your home, you ask Him to come in.  If you are at the mall shopping, or at a theater watching a movie, or at school, there isn’t prayer on the loudspeakers to let you know He is there with you, you brought Him in with you inside your heart and mind.  It is common for Christians to believe that whatever happens is a part of His design, and some will say this is His way of saying we should pray in schools, and to you I say you are really reaching.  Whatever man-made structure we may enter, we bring our heart and mind in with us, just like the crazy person with the guns.


No entity could have prevented this horrific act of violence, to put it simply – Crazy is Crazy.  Lunatics can get their hands on guns, and they don’t care about laws or if you believe in God, because your faith doesn’t shield you with armor.  Living a life guided by the principles of your faith has much more to do with where you will spend your after-life than protecting you or your children from people who want to do you harm.


So just for a second, please try to put your religious beliefs aside and have a real chat with your kids about the facts.  There are people in this world who want to hurt other people.  You can’t always be there to protect them and neither can God.  As they mature, your children are sometimes in places where you can’t be with them.  You can’t keep them holed up in your house and sheltered from this world forever.  It is your job to instill in them the values and know-how to survive as adults.  They have to have the tools they need to survive LIFE.  Teach them not to be afraid, but to be always aware of their surroundings.  If they are old enough to understand the details from the events that are happening every day in this country, then talk with them about it instead of insulating them from it.


I understand the inherent need to protect your babies, no matter how big or little they are.  I have three children.  My son is 13, my oldest daughter is nearly 12, and my youngest daughter is 4.  In the wake of the events of yesterday’s events, I did two very important things with my children.  First, I hugged them all tightly (as I do every single day and at every single opportunity I have).  Then, I had a REAL discussion with my oldest children about what they think they might do if they were faced with a scenario such as the massacre that took place in that elementary school yesterday.  I am a matter-of-fact purveyor of knowledge and fact to my kids.  I don’t bullshit around with them and shield them from the events that take place in the world.  I explain to them in a way they best understand that there is evil, and they need to be aware of it.  I don’t scare the shit out of them, I talk to them.  Needless to say, I don’t really have a way to tell my 4-year-old anything about yesterday, I just have faith that the child care facility I have chosen for her has used the proper preventative measures to protect her, and I believe they have a secure facility and have taken many precautions against intruders.  And I don’t KNOW that there will never be a time when she isn’t in eminent danger, but I hope she never is.  What I can’t do is quit my job and hold her in my arms all day long, neither can my husband, even though deep-down we know it is literally one of the only ways we can shield her from the harmful world we have around us.


I know this is just a rant, but I just couldn’t sit still and not say a thing, this is on all of our minds.  Please feel free to comment on this blog and share your views.  I want to know what you think and feel.  Make Swiss cheese out of my story, do your best to shoot holes through my theories and beliefs.  This world would be a boring place if we all did things the same way.  I wish there was a way we could all be peaceful and kind, but sometimes you have to stop hugging one another and protect yourselves.


With all my heart…



Creative Juices (aka intoxicants)

I don’t use intoxicants to make myself more creative, but it is within my realm of items to consider.  Before you stage an intervention, let me clarify.


Don’t get me wrong, if I could get my hands on some marjiuanapots (if it was legal in MO) it would be tempting to see what I could unleash in this brain of mine.  Unfortunately for me, it’s not legal here and I have no idea where to get it.  Also, it would probably make me forget where I put my bellybutton, making me incapable of even finding a laptop or powering up said laptop…but in theory it sounds sweet.


Have you ever listened to Stone Temple Pilots, the early stuff?  Can we all agree that Scott Weiland had far better song writing abilities when he was chasing the dragon?  I think we can.  Case in point: Velvet Revolver, need I say more?


Not just Scott, look at Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, Chris Farley, John Belushi,  Mitch Hedburg…ahhh Mitch I love you still!!  All the greats who had a needle in their arm, pipe in their mouth, bottle in hand.  They all met their demise far too soon.  I am not implying I am going to start getting any sort of inebriated to try to unearth my prodigious talents, well I guess I kinda said I would in paragraph one, but I was mostly kidding.  The one thing all of these people have in common aside from their distinctly brilliant writing abilities, is that they all had some kind of monkey on their backs, and they all died alone.


I am not trying to toot my own horn here, but I do believe I have been given the innate ability to write and make people feel what I feel or what I want them to feel.  I am by no means a prolific writer who has accomplished anything noteworthy, but I do recognize writing as a gift that was bestowed upon me by Jesus.   You can’t fake wit, as is painfully obvious if you have ever seen anyone try.  I have cunning wit and I have bestowed this upon my children as well.  We are  indubitably hilarious…but baby… we were born this way.


Unfortunately there is another side to that coin…the side where we are not always funny.  When I am not in my groove so to speak, I hesitate to share what I write because have a touch of (self-diagnosed) paranoid schizophrenia.  I speculate that nobody will read me if I am self-loathing or in a dark place.  I have received much feedback saying this is not true, but the self-loathing is still there no matter what anyone says to the contrary.


My point is, I get why the aforementioned “greats” picked a poison and stuck to it literally to the bitter end.  They did it because of the insurmountable pressure to be who their audience expected them to be.  To remain funny, to open the doorway to new realms of possibility in their creative psyche.  I’ve said it before and I will say it again, I am relieved to have married a funny man because alleviates some of the pressure I feel to always be “on”.


It’s not always easy to make people laugh on command.  People expect it.  When friends introduce me to new people they introduce me as “you will love her she is HIL-AR-I-OUS!!!”  That’s some real pressure.  So, I put my game face on…and here I go:

I take myself to this place in my mind:

  • I have on a white t-shirt, red and white striped terry-cloth sweatbands with matching headband, and I have the headband on over my hair so that I have that big bubble of hair hanging over in the back.  I have on red 70’s style jogging shorts with white stripes on the sides, white knee-high tube socks with red bands, and old-school Nikes with the red swoosh.
  • I crack my knuckles (not really, kinda figuratively, because I never REALLY crack my knuckles on purpose because it grosses me out and makes me poop my pants.)
  • I move my neck quickly side to side, still looking forward, touching each ear to each shoulder.
  • I take a few deep breaths…in through the nose…out through the mouth
  • I do a couple of really deep lunges
  • I do a couple of jumping jacks, then decide to just jog in place to keep up the momentum
  • I blow a snot rocket, do a quick sniff of each armpit and say to myself  in a dark brown voice (just like Lola)…”It’s GO time.”


Sometimes there’s a cantankerous old washed-up coach there with a cigar hanging out of his mouth barking mean shit at me and smacking me around a little…just to get me pumped up.  Then…I am on.  When I am on, I am ON full blast and I can and will make you piss yourself with laughter.  Put on your leotard, your abs are gonna get a workout.


So now that I sound like a grandiose DICK who has the biggest ego on the planet, I am just saying that though being funny or witty or having the ability to write to entertain people may literally come naturally, sometimes it’s just not there.  Be appreciative of the gifts you get from other people.  I for one, cry when I hear people sing…people who can REALLY sing.  My husband can attest to this, I have two very close friends who have been blessed with golden sets of pipes, and when those girls sing karaoke, I cry.  Right in front of them.  At the bar.  I don’t mean that cute little cry where you just get your breath taken away briefly and fan your eyes a little and take a deep breath.  No, I bawl like a little bitch, mascara running, ugly face, the whole 9 yards.  In my defense, I have usually had some form of adult drinkytreat and if I chose rum for my sauce predilection then fahgetaboutit…I’m a hot mess.  But…these chicks can REALLY sing, I love and appreciate their talent and I would cry with or without the assistance of intoxicants, but it does enhance the display.


Try to think of something heredity or dumb luck has bestowed upon you.  Do other people enjoy it?  Can you do a great goat impression?  Can you roll your eyes into the back of your head?  Any silly little thing that you people area always asking you to do at parties.  That’s what I am talking about.  Imagine being forced to do that for strangers who know nothing about you, every time you meet strangers.  It isn’t always easy to perform is it?


When I was 12 I discovered that I had an enormous tongue.  I discovered that I could tie a cherry stem in a knot with it.  It was of complete naivety that I just thought this was a cool thing I could do, same goes for my BFF/cousin who thought it would be amusing to have me showcase my craft at a family function in front of all my religious aunts.  Turns out they weren’t as impressed by my dexterity and instead of the accolades and high-fives I imagined I would receive after completion of my tongue-dazzling repertoire, I instead was the recipient of some serious scowls and probably some serious prayer.


I guess I should wrap this up and get to the point, as if there is a point.  Find something you love to do.  Find someone to pay you to do it.  That’s what I want to do.  I hope to achieve this goal, and I will NOT forget those of you who supported me on the way there.


Much love,



Rantom (Random +Rant)

Well here I am again.  It’s December but you’d never know it if you went by the Apocalypse weather we seem to be experiencing.  A sweet friend of mine at work sends me a quote of the day every day and I look forward to her message in my inbox each morning.  I don’t know if she reads me, but if she does, thank you B.  You make me smile.  Most of the time I feel like the quote you send fits perfectly in my life, just as it did today:


“If you want something you’ve never had, you must be willing to do something you’ve never done.” -Thomas Jefferson


Truth!!  Knowing another year has quickly come and is nearly gone, I’ve found myself reflecting on 2012.  It was a great year and a sad year, as always.  I learned a lot, as I always try to do.  I am taking many life lessons forward with me and holding high hopes that 2013 will rock.  I am hopeful the good deeds I have done will repercuss in the near future.  I know it’s within reach, so I am reaching.


I found out this year that some people I have trusted have betrayed me in the worst possible way.  I have a forgiving heart and am willing to let things go, especially since the things happened a very long time ago.  I have carried around suspicion and angst in my heart long enough.  Knowing the truth has set me free from the burden and as a result I am closing that chapter in my life.  I want to express my deepest gratitude to the guilty parties who were honest in admitting your transgressions.  It takes big brass ones to own your bad deeds.  Just so you know,  I think I healed from it long ago, but to have that closure and your honesty is priceless.  For those who still continue to lie about it, good riddance.  I don’t need you in my life.


I am a lucky chick.  I never managed to make it to college.  It is probably evident to most, but I try to be poised and articulate and stay thirsty for knowledge.  The truth is, I could go if I wanted to, but I don’t think now is the time.  Does that sound like a cop-out?  It probably is.  I just know me.  I know that if I went I would be pissed because I would have to take inane classes that would bore the living shit out of me.  Like I need Algebra to write a book. I have a goal in mind, write, write, write.  I have ADD and it’s all I can do to make it through the week doing the same mundane tasks over and over, throw in stuff I hate and I will fold.  Game over.


I have managed to find a place to work where I fit in and I am doing well.  I have made many friends and feel comfortable there.  The best part is, I bring home a paycheck and help feed and clothe my family so I feel like I am contributing to their well-being and showing them how to have a good work ethic.  I openly admit that my daytime job is exactly that, a job.  I appreciate the kindness of the owner of the company, he is generous in many ways, and makes the fact that though what I do for him is not my passion, it is most definitely worth my time and the paycheck.


My passion is to write.  I want to be a writer.  It is all I have ever wanted to do.  Until I can find my break and make money doing what I love, I will continue to work hard in my occupation and provide for my family in that way, but one day I hope to be able to write books or comedy and have my occupation and my passion be one in the same.  I know it’s kooky but since I don’t have an education I am essentially a peon at my place of work, and sometimes people like to remind me of just that.  It’s my least favorite part.  Not having a college education amongst a workplace where EVERYONE ELSE has one = Suck.  I almost wish I had the balls to lie on my resume and just SAY I had the degree.  I don’t need it to do what I do, but just having that respect would be nice.  Not being treated like an idiot or talked down to by people has its perks from what I hear.  Guess what?  Just because I didn’t go to college doesn’t mean I am without intelligence.  Dick.  (Not directed at anyone in particular, but if you think I am talking to you then quit treating people like shit.)


I write and write all the time, and one of these days I will pull all the chaotic mess together into a book that hopefully everyone will just be dying to buy.  I know I need a lot of work and I know I need to fully commit, but I want to be something I have never been, so I am doing things I have never done in order to get there.  This morning on the radio on the way to work I heard last season’s American Idol winner Phil Phillips’ song ‘Home’ and it inspired me.  Last year he worked at a pawn shop.  Now look where he is.  He wanted it very badly, and so do I.  I can’t carry a tune in a bucket so I will never win American Idol, but maybe one of these days I can quit my proverbial ‘pawn shop gig’ and share my stories with the world.  Maybe if I do it then someone else will too, and then I will be changing lives…just like the day I invented the word cockdicker.  It’s gonna take off, just wait.


In the meantime, thank you for reading and keep coming back.