Excerpts From A Racing Mind

I know you know the words to ‘Santa Claus is Coming to Town’ and you know the part ‘be good for goodness sake?’  I think we should all do that.  I have learned that this life often deals not-so-favorable hands to people who deserve to have an ace in the hole, and deals all aces to the jerks who don’t even deserve a chance to be in the game.  More often than not, I have been one of the schmucks who gets dealt the crap hand, whereas the other guy seems to always win.  When life gets you down, the easy thing to do is give up.  Sometimes the first thing I think to do is just level the playing field and be a shady person, that way I am treating others the way I am often treated.  But if I do that, others may follow suit and before you know it, there will be no more decent people in this world.  Though I feel (and probably look) foolish for continuing to be kind even when kindness isn’t reciprocated, I will never stop.  I am not trying to sound like a goody-goody or behave as though I am perfect or without flaw, because believe me, that is far from the truth.  I will however say that I am basically a good person who tries to set a good example for my kids to live by, and I fail at it miserably most of the time, but my intentions are always good.


Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus inside each of us, there are still good people in this world who recognize that we need positive change, and we need to love our fellow man, to be good to one another and hope that it catches on. We need to evolve into a society that recognizes that the way we’ve always done things has brought us to where we are, and this isn’t a perfect place.  There is no progress without change.  It’s still OK to hold on to the hope that when we leave this place, we have spread knowledge and become more self-aware and maybe even become more refined or enlightened.  I want to be a million things I will never be, I am cool with that.  I want to say a million things I will not likely ever have the courage to say, but I will continue to move forward.  I am not sorry and I don’t owe an apology to anyone for not meeting their expectations.  I am the best me I can be.  I, like you, struggle with the goals I have not yet achieved; I too criticize myself and hope that everything will just work out.  I have found that the more you make, the more you should give, and the more you take, the more will be taken from you.  If you are good, it will come back to you, and the same goes if you are bad.


I am a lucky chick.  I have a happy life filled with love.  I have been fortunate to find a mate who holds the same morals and ideals as me, and we mesh together very well. My husband is the reason I know that all things happen in the exact order in which they are supposed to happen.  Ours is a true love story that proves there is a reason for every single moment, especially the bad ones.  We have 3 healthy children who mold us into better humans.  It’s amazing how you can learn from a child who thinks on a much simpler level, we often over-think and complicate things.  Children don’t do that.  They think of the quickest way to resolve things because all they really want to do is please their caretakers.  Good or bad, they want to make us happy, to them we are the center of the universe.


I am constantly meeting people who teach me about myself, who inspire me and remind me how very precious and fleeting life is.  If you think about it, you do too.  I complain about certain facets of my life but overall I have a terrific world that I have worked hard to attain and will continue to make better.  I look back on my past and think of how foolish I was when I was younger, and wish for enough time to say sorry to everyone I have hurt.   I know there isn’t enough time and it deeply bothers me that I have used words or actions to make people feel badly, and I wish I could undo a lot of what I have done, but I am moving forward because there is no way to undo all the wrongs.  There is only now and tomorrow, and so on.  Letting go of past hurts, including the hurts I have inflicted on other people, is a difficult endeavor for me.  I want to right the wrongs, but the embarrassment and remorse I have felt is the Karma I deserve, and I know that and I live with it every day.  Hopefully one day I will have mastered the art of  ‘letting go’ because it’s a hurtful process that seems to take a lifetime…maybe that’s what this lifetime is for me, the one where I learn to let myself feel the pain, then let the pain stay in the past so that I can grow.


The time to stop being petty and fighting to have the last word is now.  The time to treat everyone with equality and without harsh judgment is now.  The time to be better is always now.  I have always wanted so badly to live a life free from mistakes or social blunders but I am not that chick.  It’s just not in the cards for me.  I’m weird, I’m funny, I’m the one who says the wrong thing and has the worst timing.  I am the one who is nice to you even when you are not nice to me, and so far that hasn’t panned out for me, or has it?  When you reflect on your life, how do you measure your success?  Is it by your material goods or is it by the happiness you feel?  If I’m being honest, I do both.  I don’t like me when I am materialistic and shallow, and I like me even less when I say negative things (especially about other people) and we all are guilty of these things.  I am working to be a better person so that I can teach this to my children, and they can teach their children, and so on.


Do something nice for someone.  Then, do it again.  Measure your success by how far you can get others to go to pay it forward, and you will be rich.