Bright Ideas


Have you ever felt as though (metaphorically speaking of course) life is like a huge storm?  I feel like I am being tossed about, occasionally being hit by debris in a big swirling mess of a life-tornado.  I feel like the only time I ever bother to sit down and write is when I find a branch on the tree of knowledge…and I cling to it with everything I can muster, hoping the wind will die long enough for me to stop my white-knuckling grip and let a little bit of this out.  When I catch my breath for a moment, I share it here.  Lately I have had some ‘mini-epiphanies’ if you will.  I have had a lot of realizations and in the midst of my ‘life-storm’ have begun to find my place, get my bearings and sort some of my thoughts.

 

I think of my life thus far as a series of coincidences and mishaps that have led me to the place where I belong.  I live in a really happy place.  I have a wonderful husband and three healthy kids.  Our house isn’t the smallest or biggest, we aren’t the richest or the poorest, and we try our best not to measure our success based off comparison to others.  We are almost impervious to the outside universe in this little shelter of love we’ve created here.  I have been out and about and social more lately than I have been in a very long time.  In these gatherings I have attended I have learned some things about myself.  For one, I realize that my friendship is actually valuable to my group.  That is not what I tell myself when I am here in the bubble I have created.  It brings me an overwhelming sense of worth and makes me feel needed and loved.  I have gained some ground and strengthened some relationships.  I have also (in some of my little light-bulb moments) distanced myself in other relationships and all the while I have felt like I have nurtured my spirit and the spirit of those around me.  That, my friends is called love.  Love:  The willingness to give or withhold in order to nurture ones’ own or another’s spiritual growth.  It’s very ironic that I learned that definition from my ex-husband.  He has taught me more about human nature than I ever cared to learn.

 

I think my place in this world is one of example in unconditional love.  I can’t change who I am at the core.  None of us can.  In trying to enlighten my children about the nature of humans, I needed to tell them  that people never really change.  In my attempt to explain human nature, I compared people to the planet earth.  The earth we see is ever-changing.  The seasons will aid in killing and reviving the nature around us.  Our pollution or care will nurture or kill parts of her; but at the center of the earth there’s a core that won’t ever really be much different.  I told them people are similar to the earth in this way.  They are who they are to the very core.  Sure, their behavior might change, they might surround themselves with different people or situations, but they will always go back to who they are.  Think about this.  It works in nearly every scenario.  If a person strays away into a different lifestyle or starts to go down a dark path, you can rest assured, they won’t be gone for long because it isn’t who they are at their core.  The same goes for a person who is truly rotten (to the core, get it?) because they can fool you for a while, but will eventually return to who you already know them to be.  This little gem of an epiphany helped me show my kids how to be aware of people around them and it also gave them a way to be watchful and remember advice from their dear old mom.  Now, think of a person in your life who has perhaps been deceitful, then nice, then ultimately deceitful again.  Earth.  You’re welcome.

 

My advice has been often unsolicited and for that I am mostly sorry, I don’t want to be the asshole who inserts my opinion into your life when you didn’t ask me.  I feel the inherent need to help when I can see where things are heading.  If I am talking with you or have befriended you, there is an unconditional love between us that forms instantly.  I can’t help it.  It’s a bit intense.  I feel the need to build you up and make you see the good that there is in you and all that is around us.  Am I a hippy?  Maybe a little.  I can tell you that I am definitely weird.  I can tell you that as humans in this day and age, people don’t know how to take me.  I get odd looks, I know people whisper.  I choose to tell myself that people know that my heart is true and my intentions are pure.  My family and friends know that I have no ill will and that my intent always comes from a place of love.  Sure I have days when I want to cut a bitch.  I mean, who doesn’t??  But I always come back to this place where I want to be helpful.  I want to give everything I have; all things material or spiritual or anything I can do to help.  As it turns out, my advice can be useful sometimes.

 

My lessons in this life have all come from my experience or the willingness to observe and absorb.  I know that the hardest job in the world is being a parent.  I know that if we are doing it right, we are always thinking ‘Did I do that right?’  Some people are fortunate enough to have had wonderful examples in their parents.  Others have only the mistakes of their parents to start from.  It’s a tricky game.  As I was just telling a friend today, I dance along this very thin line with parenting.  On one side of the line, you can be sensible and talk with your kids about life lessons and tell them just enough to keep their attention and maybe have them learn from you; and right on the other side of this practically invisible line…there is a place where you say too much and scare the shit out of them.  The main thing is to be ever-present and hope that at the end of the day, they know that you love them and that you are a human being; not just a booze-guzzling cursing maniac who occasionally gets them pizza.  Just me?  Oh.

 

All kidding aside; I feel like if we all have to label ourselves with something I would call myself a nurturer and giver of love…the comic relief in most situations…the one with a witty comment at the ready…the one who doesn’t have a glamorous occupation but has a place in this world nonetheless…just like the other people who are droning about cubicle farms.  None of us is better than the other.  We all have two things in common.  One – we all suffer.  Each of us has something(s) that we struggle with.  Two – we all could use a little less hate and a lot more love.  We all want to feel like we matter and we all need to be built up.  Wait, that was more than two things.  We are all just trying to get through this game and come out a winner.  We are all want things to be better than they are.  I hope this doesn’t sound like I am a know-it-all.  I am quite the opposite.  It just so happens that when an idea hits me I feel like I can’t sleep until I write about it…and I happen to have ownership of a little website called Padinkydink…so I spill my guts on the world wide web.

 

I am not going to make promises or post intentions.  All I can do is say that I am hopeful that the bug has bitten me and I will write more.  It does help give me a sense of purpose. It also gives me the hope that in seeing just how easy it is to spill a little bit of your guts, that I can convince some other people to do the same, and so on.  Just like that time I bought lunch for the next person in line at Burger King.  I am trying to pay it forward and hopefully this won’t backfire on me like THAT did.  Speaking of advice … if you plan to be nice and buy lunch for someone, do it in the drive-through.  Then you can say, ‘Hey how much is the total for the car behind me?…I’d like to contribute $10 to their total, please tell them to Pay It Forward.’  I did not do that.  Long story short…Madi and I were out shopping and decided to stop at the BK lounge (AKA Burger King) so LIVE, in person, I made friends with a sweet old lady in line at the counter.  It had just started snowing and she had a hole in her sweater, no coat.  She let us go in line in front of her, and something came over me so I offered to buy HER lunch…Madi and I had just paid $11 and some change for our lunch when I got this little epiphany to “do good”…and $27.00 later I made an old lady cry (tears of joy of course) and taught my daughter a valuable lesson…the pay it forward thing of course…and you know…ONLY do that shit in the drive-through.

 

Love, peace, Chicken Grease…

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