10 Reasons why I do not frequent Cici’s Pizza

1. Their pizza tastes like busted ass sprinkled with minced stank foot served on cardboard.
2. It smells like a stale turd in there all the time. Just cleaned? Still the smell of fresh turd.
3. Bluegrass on Tuesdays.
4. No percussion in the bluegrass band, not even any spoons! WTF kinda bluegrass band shows up without their spoons?? I was tempted to go to the food bar and grab a pair of spoons and join in…because as it turns out if you want to join the bluegrass band that plays at Cici’s Pizza in Arnold MO on a Tuesday night…none of the following things is a prerequisite:
*Singing better than a wounded goose, thus sporting the vocal stylings of a deaf goat.
*Musical talent
*The ability to match clothing
*Being under the age of 77
*Not smelling like poo or an entire sack of said poo.
5. No percussion in the band = no cowbell.
6. Though there are plenty of plates and eating utensils, there are no hot spikes available to stab one’s own eardrum out.
7. This evening I saw a person there wearing the following ensemble…picture this:
She was at least 6’5″, goin’ about 368. Her hair was in pig tails, and the color could best be described as jet black (at least the hair growing directly from her scalp, and the first inch of hair out of the scalp) and the rest of her foot long hair was as yellow as the sun.Nice. Her shirt was white, actually it was more like the top half of a wedding dress because it was made of chiffon or some other (I am notgirly so I don’t know) fabric and was adorned with sequins all over.The bottom of her outfit was a pair of cutoff black faded sweat pants.I guess you could say her outfit could leave you guessing, “Is she going to prom?? Or is she going to a BBQ??” Nope. She’s going to Cici’s Pizza for bluegrass night.
8. They ran out of cheese pizza like every 3 minutes. Hello! I guess they don’t realize bluegrass fans are also cheese pizza fans!!
9. No beer at Cici’s.
10. Prom BBQ girl was the best lookin’ chick in the joint, and she was with the band.