Meds.


I got a tetanus/pertussis shot in the arm today. It hurts like a mother bitcher. I guess going on a field trip with 60 fourth graders to Missouri’s First Capitol wasn’t exciting enough, so I needed to go have a nurse jab a needle into my arm bone deep. Actually, I needed to go to the doctor for a checkup because I take a medication that requires them to see me in person every 6 months or so…no it’s not valtrex or a psychotropic. I have ADHD. I do still find it to be embarrassing to talk about it, but it is what it is and I am working it out.

I discovered I had ADHD after I discovered my son had it. I have watched my son struggle through schoolwork and homework for years. Watching him struggle has brought back my own horrible childhood memories of sitting at the dining room table after school trying to focus on my OWN schoolwork when I was a kid. I vividly remember wishing I had a white hot poker to stick through my skull because it seemed to me THAT would feel better than sitting still trying to focus on doing long division. When I was in 4th grade, I didn’t do my homework, and back in 1984 it was legal for my school principal to administer corporal punishment for that offense. Crazy huh? I was all of 45 pounds then, the size of your average kindergartner, unable to focus on completing assignments, and my school principal was authorized to hit me on the ass with a wooden paddle for it. WHAT A LOAD OF SHIT!!! Talk about embarrassment. I was the only girl I knew who ever got swats. I was a gifted child, but everyone told me I was lazy and never “lived up to my potential.” All along I could have been doing so much more…

Thankfully, nowadays they harness all the energy of cocaine and put it into a small capsule and it virtually cures ADHD. Funny thing is; when you have ADHD, you don’t react the same to ‘speed’ as you do if you are “normal.” For instance, if you don’t have ADHD and you take one of my pills, you will be balls to the wall RAILING like a crack head all day. But this medicine actually lowers my heart rate. Before I started taking this medicine I could best be described at work as a “clock watcher.” Now that I take the daily medicine I get pissed off when 5:00 rolls around because I want to stay at my desk and get shit done. A lot of adults suffer from ADHD and go untreated, but I strongly urge everyone I know who feels like they may have it to go online to any search engine and type in “I think I have ADHD” and take any quiz you come across. Who knows? Maybe you can save yourself from constant frustration like I have.

I have wanted to be a writer my entire life. Now that I have meds for ADHD, I am finally starting to write. I am not necessarily saying I want to be an inspiration to anyone, but if I am able to help anyone at all, then that person will owe me BIG TIME and I can hold that over their head forever and ever. And that is how I roll.

PS I started this blog to talk about how much of a vajayjay I am because my arm is hurting very badly, but I ended up on a completely separate issue. What more proof do you need that I have ADHD and am completely out of meds?



Seasons


So another season is upon us…one more St. Louis summer under our belts as we bid a fond adieu to the humidity and greet the brisk fall air. The clouds were kind enough to give us enough rain so we can watch the trees slowly change from a deep green, to amber, then to bright orange and after they are kissed with red, they fall to the ground so that we can rake them into what will become a crisp playground for my family to enjoy together outside. I love fall. I love that I can whisper on the wind and have it carried to who knows where, I can say anything I want and the breeze whisks it away just like the last fallen leaf. Along with the change in the seasons come changes in our lives. More missing teeth and visits from the tooth fairy, learning long division, baby is going to take her first steps and have her first birthday, we are moving into our new home, our marriage is strong and our love is good. I am thankful for my life and all the seasons and that I am here breathing the changes. Life is good.



10 Reasons why I do not frequent Cici’s Pizza


1. Their pizza tastes like busted ass sprinkled with minced stank foot served on cardboard.
2. It smells like a stale turd in there all the time. Just cleaned? Still the smell of fresh turd.
3. Bluegrass on Tuesdays.
4. No percussion in the bluegrass band, not even any spoons! WTF kinda bluegrass band shows up without their spoons?? I was tempted to go to the food bar and grab a pair of spoons and join in…because as it turns out if you want to join the bluegrass band that plays at Cici’s Pizza in Arnold MO on a Tuesday night…none of the following things is a prerequisite:
*Singing better than a wounded goose, thus sporting the vocal stylings of a deaf goat.
*Musical talent
*The ability to match clothing
*Being under the age of 77
*Not smelling like poo or an entire sack of said poo.
5. No percussion in the band = no cowbell.
6. Though there are plenty of plates and eating utensils, there are no hot spikes available to stab one’s own eardrum out.
7. This evening I saw a person there wearing the following ensemble…picture this:
She was at least 6’5″, goin’ about 368. Her hair was in pig tails, and the color could best be described as jet black (at least the hair growing directly from her scalp, and the first inch of hair out of the scalp) and the rest of her foot long hair was as yellow as the sun.Nice. Her shirt was white, actually it was more like the top half of a wedding dress because it was made of chiffon or some other (I am notgirly so I don’t know) fabric and was adorned with sequins all over.The bottom of her outfit was a pair of cutoff black faded sweat pants.I guess you could say her outfit could leave you guessing, “Is she going to prom?? Or is she going to a BBQ??” Nope. She’s going to Cici’s Pizza for bluegrass night.
8. They ran out of cheese pizza like every 3 minutes. Hello! I guess they don’t realize bluegrass fans are also cheese pizza fans!!
9. No beer at Cici’s.
10. Prom BBQ girl was the best lookin’ chick in the joint, and she was with the band.

Bluegrass,banjo,cheese,pizza



Pregnancy


WARNING: The following content is completely hormone-driven.

I have been trying to compile a list of the top 10 things not to say to a pregnant woman…

Can any of you moms help me out? I only have a few so far…I am not sure where they would go on the list…

YOU ARE HUGE!

ARE YOU SURE YOU AREN’T HAVING TWINS?

YOU LOOK LIKE YOU ARE ABOUT TO POP! (you can’t say this unless you see a baby’s head crowning from my vagina.)

YOU ARE FAT!

FYI I might look GINORMOUS but I have gained 26 pounds. Which puts me at a whopping 129 pounds and I am 8 months pregnant. How many women in their 30’s who have given birth twice weigh 126 when they are NOT pregnant? Not many. I am having a baby in 7 weeks or less and I weigh less than 130 pounds. When I give birth I will be on crack or a treadmill, but the weight will STILL come off…and it’s STILL not ok for people to look at pics of me when I was pregnant and tell me how huge I was. It’s rude.

Ok, these may seem ridiculous, but these are things people have actually said to me. I know I am easy to talk to and I am laid back and I like to joke around, but when I am pregnant, I have hormones I can’t control and if you don’t have something nice to say, do me a solid and shut the fuck up.

Peace.



4 Things


I just want to preface my little belch here before I ruffle any feathers. I don’t want to offend anyone. We live in a country where we all have the right to speak freely about any topic and we can all have different opinions, I for one am thankful for that, because wouldn’t this world be a boring place if we were all alike?

In my adult life I have noticed four topics that are rarely spoken of. People don’t discuss these things unless they are sure they are in a safe setting where everyone will agree with them. I find it very disheartening when I encounter people who hold their beliefs so close that they can’t open their eyes and see that there may be another angle from which to view things.

We live in a cynical, yet somehow politically polite world where we all try to say the right thing at the right time, so as not to offend anyone around us. What a shame. I rather enjoy being offensive. It just doesn’t pull down as many laughs as it used to, instead it brings about awkward silences and ill placed segways into other conversation. Pity.

Ok…I am rambling, where was I going with this? Oh yes, the four things.

Abortion
Sexuality
Politics
Religion

You can relate all four to one another on some level. In my experience, I have found that people generally have a strong opinion about each. Most of the time, our views are largely based on how we were raised. That doesn’t necessarily mean that we hold the same views as our parents. The way I see it, we have choices. We can become “like” our parents, (that’s the easy route), we can do things our own way, and there’s a happy medium in there somewhere. I do not bust my ass to be poitically correct by any stretch of the imagination, but I don’t go out of my way to offend either. That being said, if you are offended by any of this – please accept my apology. I don’t have any specific person(s) in mind as I write this.

Abortion

Abortion. Webster’s defines abortion as the removal of an embryo or fetus from the uterus to end a pregnancy. May as well get righ to the point here. I am pro choice with some limitations. I don’t agree with the practice of having unprotected sex, then using this approach as birth control multiple times. I don’t condone partial-birth abortion. I believe that nightmarish shit happens sometimes that some of us can’t even fathom having to live through; and I am thankful that there is a way to handle it. I believe this practice should remain legal, and if there should ever come a day when it isn’t, I believe people will find a less sanitary, no- guidelines way to do it and that is much worse than the way it is done now. In my opinion, people who adamantly protest abortion (in some cases) have not been faced with the difficult decision. It is difficult for me to respect the opinions of those who speak about things they have not experienced.

Sexuality. I don’t really understand why this is a controversial topic. If you are heterosexual/homosexualSexuality, you were born that way. Nothing “turns” people gay or makes people straight. Think of this society and how difficult life has proven to be at atleast SOME point in the life of a homosexual person. What kind of masochist would choose that? I grew up in a small town. I have gay friends who grew up there too. I can’t even begin to imagine how torturous it must have been for them as they were struggling with the realization of their “taboo”. I can not imagine what it would be like having something that comprises so much of who I am – stifled to that extreme. It is the equivalent of me trying to hide the fact that I am short. There are laws preventing gay marriage. Why is that even a topic? Why do people get to vote on that?? How is any one human who was born heterosexual more significant than someone who wasn’t? It’s really just a roll of the dice. Why can’t all people just have the same rights across the board? If you are of the age of consent to be married, you should just grab the hand of the person you want to marry, ask them to marry you, then go get married. Period.

PoliPoliticstics. This is a pretty broad subject, but I am talking in general about Democrats vs. Republicans. To me, it’s just one more label to slap on each other, and it’s all about someone else having control over you. It’s kinda like high school, being a Prep or a Dork or a Jock or a Skank or whatever you called people at your high school.

I am conservative about very little, and pretty liberal about most things. I don’t believe in “good old fashioned” much. I love my family and I go to work every day to make money to provide for them. At the risk of sounding unintelligent I will say that I don’t really see the importance of being committed to one party over another. Did you ever see the episode of South Park where the choices for the election are the douche bag or the shit sandwich? That’s pretty much how it is anyway. No matter who we elect, that person made promises to you that he/she can’t keep. There is no way to please everyone all the time. How can we be so simple as to think that one person can really take care of ALL the crap they promised on their campaign?

We have a habit of making celebrities out of people in this country, and most of the time, they can never really wrap their head around fame and what it does to their life. It will make or break you. Most of the time it breaks you. Most people in the spotlight cash in at some point and become a puppet in the big show, losing the beliefs they promised to uphold to avoid the risk of becoming “unpopular.” The toy inside rarely resembles the picture on the box. It isn’t their fault. Fame is just bigger than life, even when you are a politician. Imagine that pressure for a moment. Imagine signing up for that!

Last but nReligionot least, Religion. I believe this one ties the other three together. Most of the beliefs people hold regarding abortion, sexuality, and politics are based inside their religious beliefs. I was raised Baptist. So basically I can quote half the bible, King James Version, and I can drink and lie about it. Beyond that I was raised with basic morals that I still carry with me today, but I no

longer take the bible as literally.

I was raised with the concept that all Christians were trying to get to one place, then I met some Catholics who thought it was really fun to poke fun at me for being Baptist. That really opened my eyes to the fact that Christianity can’t possibly be the only way to believe. I have tried to learn as much as I can about all sorts of different religions. I have only attended Christian churches, and the other religions I know a scrap of anything about I learned from reading.

I will say that my most recent finding is that Buddhism is the closest “anything” that resembles what I believe, (it’s not even technically a religion.) It is difficult now for me to abandon all the things I learned as a child and to flat out say, “I don’t believe in God.” Mostly because as Christians, we are trained to believe that it’s blasphemy to say such a thing, and the moment it rings aloud people instantly go to the other extreme an assume…”You don’t believe in God, so you worship Satan.” It is a very difficult thing for me to say out loud, but after much soul searching, it’s how I feel, and based solely on what I have seen in my life and things I have experienced. If you believe you are a good Christian, you may feel the urge to pray for me. In my experience, instead of praying for someone or trying to “bring the lost sheep back to the fold” non-believers are abandoned and shunned by fellow Christians for not believing. They are harshly judged and mocked and disallowed. Practice what you preach people!! Take a good look in the mirror. Some of the most judgmental people on earth are religious. “Soldiers in God’s Army”, the same son of God who has sent you out to spread the gospel – the good word that tells you we are all equal; and if you only believe in Him you will have everlasting life…but they will drop you like third period French if you don’t believe what they say and think like they think. Seeing is not believeing. Belief is blind faith. Belief is not witnessing, instead it’s thinking that what you have heard about is real. Seeing is proof. I have not seen therefore I do not believe. I do trust Kharma. I do know that what you do in this life comes back to you, not always in the same form. So be good to each other.

If we all treat one another with equality and try to be fair, we can put ourselves in other people’s shoes before we act on our impulses. If we do that, we reciprocate respect. If we do that, this world we live in becomes a better place.

As I said before, I am thankful for the forum to be able to use my voice to say what I believe and be able to do it in such a wonderful country. I am thankful for the freedom men and women have fought for so I can say all the things I just said and not have to look over my shoulder in fear of my life or security. I have opened myself here and shared what I believe about very sensitive top secret stuff. I still have an open mind. I hope you do too. I have not put these things out there to try to sway anyone to believe as I do. If you are my friend you will appreciate my beliefs as I do yours.

Peace.