Don’t Follow the Leader

I have insomnia. It’s not cool, man. I am wide awake, it’s only 12:14 a.m. so it’s relatively early (for me) and the documentary about Charles Manson and the biatches in his crew isn’t on until 2:00 a.m. I am completely intrigued by true crime stories like the Helter Skelter story of people who fall into traps like those chicks who followed Manson. Since I have 1 hour and 46 minutes to kill, I think I will blog it out.

Have you ever wondered what makes people decide to join a cult? I don’t get it dude. I think back on a time in my life when I used to believe random lies from boys when I was naive and young, but it was silly stuff like, “I’m sorry.” Or “I will only put the tip in. Just the tip, just to see how it feels.” It was never major stuff like, “I am the Messiah. Go stab some famous people.”

I wonder what kinda person falls for a guy like that? Perhaps a member of the bugar-eaters club in High School? You know the type…always smelly, always sitting in the back of the classroom isolated from other people with their head buried in a notebook, drawing their D&D character or whatever fantasy game they play। Not to offend people who played Dungeons & Dragons…I have heard it’s a super game. (C.Y.A. – you never know.)

Anyway, to round up all these followers, you would have to assume the guy is obnoxiously handsome or at the very least RICH। Wrong! I don’t know about you, but all the cult leaders I have ever heard of are total A-holes and not even remotely attractive. Case in point – Jim Jones. This cat fired up his own religion and schmoozed 909 people (not just chicks, mind you) into dying for him. This went down on the coast of Guyana in a kooky little South-American jungle where 1,000-ish people willingly left their lives behind to follow him. He called this quaint little dump “Jonestown”. All of his followers (300 were children) worked 12 hours a day while being brainwashed by listening to his propaganda. I don’t know about you, but I do my best work when I am jamming to some rockin’ tunes, not “You will love me…You are a Communist…You hate freedom…” blaring over a loud speaker all the live-long day in the hot-as-balls jungle. Whilst I am swinging a sickle, this asshole is sipping iced tea and getting blown by like 4 unattractive men. Hey, it could be true. I read about the guy. He was a swinger. Anywho, what I am getting at is this…throw on some Skynard dude. Crap.

As the grand finale of his escapade, good old Jonesy shot a congressman and his camera crew who had traveled to Guyana to check out “Jonestown”, largely at the request of concerned family members of these followers, or as I like to call them…fucktards. The congressman visited these followers in their dilapidated little busted-ass shacks to see WTF and try to convince some of these dickwads to come home. Immediately following the assassination, Jimmy mixed up a ginormous cocktail of strawberry Flavor-Aid mixed with cyanide (bastard was too cheap to bust out with some Kool-Aid) and all the idiots stood in line to chug it. People were practically doing keg-stands to ingest this poison because he told them to do it. How does shit like this happen? I haven’t heard of such behavior in my lifetime, well there was that one dude with the aliens and stuff…but dang man. What baffles me the most is, this Jones dude wasn’t even good-looking! I mean he looked like a combo of Fat-Elvis and Ronny Milsap, plus mix in a little dab of your creepy uncle Fred, and you get Jimbo the Pimp.



Jim Jones was a complete douche rocket*, yet he somehow managed to smoke all these folks into traipsing down to some random island in the middle of nowhere to live in the jungle with no A/C and bust their asses all the live-long day to pick fruit or whatever then kill themselves. Talk about clout. I can’t even convince my seven and nine-year-old to rake leaves in the back yard for $5 each. Do they teach classes on how to locate gullible morons or how to get people to follow you anywhere and do whatever you say? Shit. I would have much rather signed up for that one instead of learning advanced Microsoft Excel. Jim’s gig sounds way more lucrative.

***Not to change the subject right now, but I really need a wonder hanger. You can hang 5 garments at a time on that bitch. Late night TV rocks!***

What was I talking about? Oh yeah. Cults and whatnot. I simply don’t get it. I see reality shows and documentaries on TV all the time about women who fall in love with criminals on death row and old ladies who get swindled out of their social security checks by televangelists and shit. Not to be a broken record, but this just makes no sense to me. So as a faithful reader who cares about what happens to me, you can do me a solid. If you ever notice that I am starting to eat cat food because I have mailed off my retirement money to some asswipe I saw on a religion show late at night, something has gone awry. For starters, if it’s organized religion, strike one. If I change my name to Sunshine Daisy or Jimmy Jam’s Pookie #12, strike two. If I am sporting a mu-muu and panhandling at the airport…shoot me in the face; I deserve it. As a reward for the generous act of ridding the world of my dumbness, feel free to loot through my shit and keep what you like. I will save you some time right now and tell you I am probably keeping all my valuables in a froot-loops box under the panty-hose filled with used cat litter in my freezer because I have officially lost my fackin’ marbles.

In closing I would like to say that the world don’t move to the beat of just one drum, what might be right for you, may not be right for some.

I should not drink caffeine past 10:00 p.m.


*Douche Rocket is a term I learned from my friend Tiffany Wilson. She is hilarious and I always give props to people when I use their material. I personally hate it when people shoplift my personality and don’t give me proper cred.

4 Things

I just want to preface my little belch here before I ruffle any feathers. I don’t want to offend anyone. We live in a country where we all have the right to speak freely about any topic and we can all have different opinions, I for one am thankful for that, because wouldn’t this world be a boring place if we were all alike?

In my adult life I have noticed four topics that are rarely spoken of. People don’t discuss these things unless they are sure they are in a safe setting where everyone will agree with them. I find it very disheartening when I encounter people who hold their beliefs so close that they can’t open their eyes and see that there may be another angle from which to view things.

We live in a cynical, yet somehow politically polite world where we all try to say the right thing at the right time, so as not to offend anyone around us. What a shame. I rather enjoy being offensive. It just doesn’t pull down as many laughs as it used to, instead it brings about awkward silences and ill placed segways into other conversation. Pity.

Ok…I am rambling, where was I going with this? Oh yes, the four things.


You can relate all four to one another on some level. In my experience, I have found that people generally have a strong opinion about each. Most of the time, our views are largely based on how we were raised. That doesn’t necessarily mean that we hold the same views as our parents. The way I see it, we have choices. We can become “like” our parents, (that’s the easy route), we can do things our own way, and there’s a happy medium in there somewhere. I do not bust my ass to be poitically correct by any stretch of the imagination, but I don’t go out of my way to offend either. That being said, if you are offended by any of this – please accept my apology. I don’t have any specific person(s) in mind as I write this.


Abortion. Webster’s defines abortion as the removal of an embryo or fetus from the uterus to end a pregnancy. May as well get righ to the point here. I am pro choice with some limitations. I don’t agree with the practice of having unprotected sex, then using this approach as birth control multiple times. I don’t condone partial-birth abortion. I believe that nightmarish shit happens sometimes that some of us can’t even fathom having to live through; and I am thankful that there is a way to handle it. I believe this practice should remain legal, and if there should ever come a day when it isn’t, I believe people will find a less sanitary, no- guidelines way to do it and that is much worse than the way it is done now. In my opinion, people who adamantly protest abortion (in some cases) have not been faced with the difficult decision. It is difficult for me to respect the opinions of those who speak about things they have not experienced.

Sexuality. I don’t really understand why this is a controversial topic. If you are heterosexual/homosexualSexuality, you were born that way. Nothing “turns” people gay or makes people straight. Think of this society and how difficult life has proven to be at atleast SOME point in the life of a homosexual person. What kind of masochist would choose that? I grew up in a small town. I have gay friends who grew up there too. I can’t even begin to imagine how torturous it must have been for them as they were struggling with the realization of their “taboo”. I can not imagine what it would be like having something that comprises so much of who I am – stifled to that extreme. It is the equivalent of me trying to hide the fact that I am short. There are laws preventing gay marriage. Why is that even a topic? Why do people get to vote on that?? How is any one human who was born heterosexual more significant than someone who wasn’t? It’s really just a roll of the dice. Why can’t all people just have the same rights across the board? If you are of the age of consent to be married, you should just grab the hand of the person you want to marry, ask them to marry you, then go get married. Period.

PoliPoliticstics. This is a pretty broad subject, but I am talking in general about Democrats vs. Republicans. To me, it’s just one more label to slap on each other, and it’s all about someone else having control over you. It’s kinda like high school, being a Prep or a Dork or a Jock or a Skank or whatever you called people at your high school.

I am conservative about very little, and pretty liberal about most things. I don’t believe in “good old fashioned” much. I love my family and I go to work every day to make money to provide for them. At the risk of sounding unintelligent I will say that I don’t really see the importance of being committed to one party over another. Did you ever see the episode of South Park where the choices for the election are the douche bag or the shit sandwich? That’s pretty much how it is anyway. No matter who we elect, that person made promises to you that he/she can’t keep. There is no way to please everyone all the time. How can we be so simple as to think that one person can really take care of ALL the crap they promised on their campaign?

We have a habit of making celebrities out of people in this country, and most of the time, they can never really wrap their head around fame and what it does to their life. It will make or break you. Most of the time it breaks you. Most people in the spotlight cash in at some point and become a puppet in the big show, losing the beliefs they promised to uphold to avoid the risk of becoming “unpopular.” The toy inside rarely resembles the picture on the box. It isn’t their fault. Fame is just bigger than life, even when you are a politician. Imagine that pressure for a moment. Imagine signing up for that!

Last but nReligionot least, Religion. I believe this one ties the other three together. Most of the beliefs people hold regarding abortion, sexuality, and politics are based inside their religious beliefs. I was raised Baptist. So basically I can quote half the bible, King James Version, and I can drink and lie about it. Beyond that I was raised with basic morals that I still carry with me today, but I no

longer take the bible as literally.

I was raised with the concept that all Christians were trying to get to one place, then I met some Catholics who thought it was really fun to poke fun at me for being Baptist. That really opened my eyes to the fact that Christianity can’t possibly be the only way to believe. I have tried to learn as much as I can about all sorts of different religions. I have only attended Christian churches, and the other religions I know a scrap of anything about I learned from reading.

I will say that my most recent finding is that Buddhism is the closest “anything” that resembles what I believe, (it’s not even technically a religion.) It is difficult now for me to abandon all the things I learned as a child and to flat out say, “I don’t believe in God.” Mostly because as Christians, we are trained to believe that it’s blasphemy to say such a thing, and the moment it rings aloud people instantly go to the other extreme an assume…”You don’t believe in God, so you worship Satan.” It is a very difficult thing for me to say out loud, but after much soul searching, it’s how I feel, and based solely on what I have seen in my life and things I have experienced. If you believe you are a good Christian, you may feel the urge to pray for me. In my experience, instead of praying for someone or trying to “bring the lost sheep back to the fold” non-believers are abandoned and shunned by fellow Christians for not believing. They are harshly judged and mocked and disallowed. Practice what you preach people!! Take a good look in the mirror. Some of the most judgmental people on earth are religious. “Soldiers in God’s Army”, the same son of God who has sent you out to spread the gospel – the good word that tells you we are all equal; and if you only believe in Him you will have everlasting life…but they will drop you like third period French if you don’t believe what they say and think like they think. Seeing is not believeing. Belief is blind faith. Belief is not witnessing, instead it’s thinking that what you have heard about is real. Seeing is proof. I have not seen therefore I do not believe. I do trust Kharma. I do know that what you do in this life comes back to you, not always in the same form. So be good to each other.

If we all treat one another with equality and try to be fair, we can put ourselves in other people’s shoes before we act on our impulses. If we do that, we reciprocate respect. If we do that, this world we live in becomes a better place.

As I said before, I am thankful for the forum to be able to use my voice to say what I believe and be able to do it in such a wonderful country. I am thankful for the freedom men and women have fought for so I can say all the things I just said and not have to look over my shoulder in fear of my life or security. I have opened myself here and shared what I believe about very sensitive top secret stuff. I still have an open mind. I hope you do too. I have not put these things out there to try to sway anyone to believe as I do. If you are my friend you will appreciate my beliefs as I do yours.