The Road to Hell is Paved With…

I think the road to hell (in my house anyway)  is paved with mail.  Seriously.  In a desperate search for the birth certificates of my three offspring, I realized something.  I admit it.  I am a hoarder of all things paper.  I think I have every birthday card I have ever received.  Let me break that down for you.  I am 38.  If you don’t spend more than a moment to think about that you might assume I am a dork with only like 38 birthday cards.  Let me assure you, I am popular.  I have about a zillion.  More like hundreds.  Anywho, I also have three children who are 14, 12 and 4 years old so I keep all of their cards too, and all of the cards I have received for other stuff, like my wedding and all of my baby showers.  Dude.  That’s 38 Christmases, 38 Valentine’s Days, 38 years of “just because we are friends” and not to mention ‘Thank you’ or “Wow last night was awesome!’ (What can I say??)  That’s a lot of cards.  I need to make some sort of mural out of these cards so that all of these years of Hallmark hoarding isn’t in vain.  It doesn’t stop there.  I also have every paystub from every job I have ever had.   And seemingly every bank statement, insurance statement, electric, cable, phone…etc. bill I have ever paid in my adult life.  I also hang on to every scrap of paper my children have ever scribbled upon.  HELP!!!  Our finished basement looks like a mail bomb exploded down here.  And what am I doing?  Blogging it out.  Not cleaning it up.  It’s overwhelming.  (and it’s right behind me…I think it can hear me click-click-clicking on this keyboard and it is lying in wait…)In my frantic search for these birth certificates (that lasted until 2:00 AM) I did thin the collection by throwing away a large box of stuff, but I have barely touched the tip.  (Just the tip, just to see how it feels.)


And…I am disorganized to boot.  If you saw my cube at work you would be impressed.  It is very well-organized and every paper I touch is filed away neatly into it’s labeled place.  But at home, I throw caution to the wind and make piles of stuff anywhere I can find a flat surface.  And what does James do?  He follows behind me and tucks my well-constructed piles into rubbbermaid totes int the garage or shoeboxes in the hall closet.  Never to be seen or heard of again…until I need vital documents.  Then he abandons me at 10:00 PM and goes to bed, leaving me in the volcanic eruption of memorabilia and mail in our makeshift office downstairs.  Today when I read my friend Karri’s blog, she said her basement flooded and I nearly pooped my pants thinking that if that happens to me today, all of my years of hoarding would end…and I might actually be OK with it.  But then I realized it would be an even bigger mess for me to clean up.  Curse you ADD and inherent laze!  Curse you to hell!!!


I am admitting my problem.  That’s the first step.  My husband has a paper hoarding problem as well.  He doesn’t hang on to sentimental things, but he hangs on to magazines and never files paperwork.  Sorry to out you on my blog babe, but let’s face it.  We are a fire hazard in need of a filing system intervention.  I am kind of outing us in hopes that the embarrassment this will bring to us will force us to get our act together and utilize a filing system up in this place.  *sigh* I have to go now.  I have to clean this mess.  I should post a pic of it, the before and after…but I am ashamed.  And since I am being truthful, I am probably not really going to clean it up.

Learn from me.  Throw out your old stuff.  Don’t be a hoarder.


Love, peace, chicken grease…


One Comment, Comment or Ping

  1. Momma Donna

    Silly girl. Don’t be ashamed. Last year I finally threw out 3 of the 6 giant popcorn tins full of various greeting cards that I’ve saved throughout the years. Bud had a little fire going one day and I decided that it was time to start getting rid of some clutter so I took the tins out and one by one threw the cards into the fire as I read them. I’m talking old, old ones. But I’m not throwing away any more. I always think that some day some body is going to be looking for some pretty, old cards for a school project or something and I’ll have just what they need. I can come up with all kinds of excuses for keeping things. Ask my kids.
    Do you know anybody that needs a bunch of the plastic rings that go around the top of a plastic milk container under the lid? I’ve got just what they need. :o)
    Love you,

    April 14th, 2013

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