So now that we are old and have a litter of kids, me and the hubbs have been talking more this year about establishing some set-in-stone holiday traditions.  The only things we REALLY do every year are:

  • Decorate for Halloween (which I nixed this year when I donated all of our trashy decor to our daughter’s school for the haunted house at the Fall Festival).  When we had our youngest daughter 4 years ago, there were 6 or 7 babies in our circle of friends born the same year.  We all go to the same house, same subdivision, and trick-or-treat together.  It’s something we have done since the babies were 1, and now the babies aren’t babies anymore, but we have pictures of them from every year sitting together in their costumes.
  • Leave the house for Thanksgiving.  We go to my husband’s brother’s house and I hated typing that.  I consider his brother and his brother’s wife my brother and sister.  I wish we could form some sort of way to call them who they are to us…the most important, special people on this planet.  We usually eat too many appetizers then gorge on turkey, then watch a movie or watch the kids play video games, then at some point I usually find myself waking my husband up from a turkey coma and we come home late, it’s the BEST.
  • We all decorate the Christmas tree together.  And by “we all” I mean me, the hubbs, and our litter of kids, and by together I mean the kids decorate the tree and I have OCD so bad that I have to walk away because of the uneven amounts of red vs green vs white ornament disbursement amongst the limbs.  We turn on the holiday music and sing along, usually 3-4 ornaments get broken, a kid gets yelled at, then I end up cleaning up the big mess in the living room.  Now that I think of it, this tradition needs some work.
  • We are not traditional Christian folk celebrating the birth of Christ during the holiday season.  So we spend time ranting about/discussing how holiday time can be used for togetherness, whether you are Christian, Buddhist, Muslim, Athiest, whatever you call yourself.  We wonder why people get pissed because “what right do you have to put up a Christmas tree…” is a crock of shit to us.  We get together with our families, love each other and share the spirit of togetherness and spend money we don’t have on shit we don’t need, just like you do.  So happy birthday JC, we are not trying to be offensive but what the heck does the fat dude in the red suit have to do with your birthday anyway?
  • While I am on the subject of Christian holidays…Easter tradition around here is hunting eggs filled with treats.  My kids love to hang out with their cousins and be the first to find all the eggs.  Can’t find anything directly related to Jesus about the creeper in the bunny suit either but we get a lot of flack for that one too.  Instead of nit-picking perhaps you should just eat your Cadbury eggs and calm down.  They only come out for a short time (I did discover a spooky version of  their creamy-sugary goodness this Halloween…YESSSSSSS!!!)
  • April Fool’s Day – we don’t really do anything for this one but I just wanted to let all my fans know I was born on this day so if you ever wanna get me a present…I love Cadbury eggs – traditional, not caramel.
  • 4th of July – We go watch a fireworks display and BBQ.  We did have a kickass water-balloon fight a couple of years ago, I got smoked in the implant and had to take a knee, thanks to my brother-in-law.  That’s OK, I found a ginormous bucket of water balloons on sale at the Wal-Marts and this coming 4th I plan to fill and launch them at him for revenge.  Will I fill them with water?  Maybe.  Will I keep them safe in the freezer all night?  Might.  Don’t mess with the bull…because you will get the horns.
  • Fish Fry – we host one every year at our house.  My husband and his brother spend virtually every Friday night of fishing season braving the cold, rainy, sometimes hot-as-balls weather to catch a shit-ton of catfish, and at the end of the season, we round up everyone we know and fry it up.  The past 2 years have been very successful.  We had a turnout of over 60 guests both times.  This is by far our favorite tradition.
  • Marine Corps Birthday – November 10, 1775 my Marine Corps came alive.  We commemorate this day by watching the message from the commandant, I usually bake a cake, and then we proceed to watch my husband and his old salty Marine buddies get hammered.  It’s good times.

No matter what you and yours are doing this and every holiday season, I hope your traditions are filled with turkey-comas, too much dessert, a family gathering without the police being called (if that’s what kind of family you have), and above all love.  Don’t just spend the month of November telling everyone on Facebook what you are thankful for each day, spend your whole year telling all the people who support you or make your life easier that you are thankful for what they do.  Thank a veteran when you see him/her in uniform, no matter where you are.  Thank the lady at the grocery store who is standing there checking your groceries, thank your mom for putting up with your smart ass for all of those years (thanks mom) and thank your kids when they behave.  Hell, you yell at them when they misbehave, might as well give them props for being good.

Take care of yourself and of each other.  If you are traveling, be safe.  Be together and find peace, send your thoughts for a moment to those who can’t be with us in body, but forever watch over us in spirit. Form traditions of your own and get rid of or modify old ones.  Don’t feel pressured to “fit the mold”, this world would be a boring place without change.


Much love,



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